Too many of us are people pleasers, or we simply like to help others out. Maybe we don’t like to let others down. The truth is if you’re like me, you struggle with this area of life. I’ve worked in ministry and teaching, jobs based on helping others. The drawback is that saying no is never easy.
Don’t get me wrong, it isn’t that I just want to make others happy. In fact, I’ve learned that you’ll never make people happy, or at least not all of them. Some people will never be happy, no matter what we do. However, working jobs based in helping others often gives you a disposition of seeing needs and simply wanting to be of assistance in any way we can.
Not saying no has at times prevented me from doing my best in all circumstances. You end up taking on more than you should. You give in to others’ ideas, even when they are pressuring you to be who you are not. You find yourself putting your own plans and ideas on the back burner. It can prevent you from meeting goals, and it can prevent you from being your best at the job you do.
In ministry I’ve had times when I’ve lost sleep going out to help others, even after a long day of work. I’ve taken on many perceived emergencies that really were not after it was all said and done. I’ve put myself in debt to help ministries succeed. Meanwhile, I’m left with the bills, and carry a lot of internal scares from such over serving and lack of saying no.
In teaching, I’ve taken on needs others expressed and worked on projects with only one or two of us really doing all the planning and work. I’ve put off planning time to help others with projects, when I knew it would mean coming in early or working late. I find myself lacking the strength at times to confront students when, because it’s easier to just give in than fight continually to get students to do what should be done in the moment. It is not that I don’t desire to control the class and often I do. Sometimes past run ins with others have caused me to choose simply not to rock the boat.
Maybe you don’t struggle with saying no. Maybe you’ve just learned the art of saying no. If so, I celebrate your victory.
As for myself, I am learning to better manage and when to say no, so I am not taking on too much. Unfortunately, I’m also realizing that due to past situations and times of not saying no, I truly do not have the strength to put up the fight I once did. Sadly, when somethings come into your life, it can have a profound effect. I’m not sure I ever will be truly the same. I do know that I’ve learned to protect my alone time. I could easily find myself sitting at my computer writing and enjoying sharing in this way with others. However, some pressures I simply can’t say no to. Bills still have to be paid, so I’ll sometimes have to say yes out of need, not desire.
Maybe the miracles will come, and things will clear. Until then, I must lean into the internal peace God gives, and hope somethings will get better in time.
Blessings on the journey,
Dan Shipton
Shippy Woods 
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