I’ve been writing a lot about restarting, and building on the theme in some online Bible study post since January. The past two weeks I’ve been down, as we wait for confirmation on a possible home purchase. Being down during a season of restarting is normal, since it is hard waiting, and being out of place from the way things used to be.

The past few days I’ve been feeling a bit more uplifted. I think there are some factors like starting to clarify my purpose for the time being. We are far from through the season of restarting, but glimmers of hope help to lift the spirits.

Worship was better this week, and could feel God working on my heart as the music played and through our pastor’s sermon. I could feel a release as I opened my self up to the realization that I had to both ask for forgiveness and to accept the forgiveness of my failures, before I can move ahead. I can see the value in realizing that facing my part of the failure of our former church ministry is needed for my own peace of mind, and to let God’s healing in further in our process of healing.

The Powerful Role of Introspection in Healing from Failure

You may be new to me, or where I’ve been, and you may wonder if I committed some great heinous act of that would require me to seek forgiveness. The truth may surprise you.

I failed to be a faithful leader and pastor of the flock. I became too close to some families and began treating them as part of my own family. This may not seem too big and for some it may seem like what a pastor should do. The problem is that when you get too close and start to spend time with those who are close to you it can take your focus off the bigger picture. You can take on the needs of those close to you and forget to care for the needs of the whole flock, which is what a pastor is called to do. I had to admit that my close friendships and family-like relationship hindered me and caused me to show favoritism at times, and kept me from better reaching out to others.

Going through the reduction of church members during COVID and in the middle of a church building program likely fed into the building reaction to work to hold tighter to those close friends. I could blame a lot on this, or on the circumstances that caused my heart to be pulled and broken for certain people I felt had some true need. A part of me was happy to keep my close church family, and care for them as much as possible, much like an over protective parent. The problem is that while the church is a family. The church was not my family. I should have known as a pastor the fact that the church was God’s family and I was just a part.

Admitting my failure to God and myself wasn’t easy, and really has been building through a lot of introspection over the past weeks and even months. I’ve wanted to move ahead, but I realized this weekend that God couldn’t help me move ahead, until I was ready to face my own failure and seek my forgiveness from God for not being a better leader and getting too caught up in the good but forgetting the better of my calling.

So, again I’m sorry to God.

I’m also sorry to anyone who may have been a part of our former ministry, anyone who was hurt or felt slighted by my ties with others. I’m sorry to anyone I may have been too worried or concerned about instead of being the spiritual leader you should have had and allowing you to make your own mistakes. If I had realized how off focus I had become I would have backed away and I would have focused more on the needs of the whole ministry. Unfortunately, sometimes we loose ourself in doing what we think needs done or is important at that moment, instead of doing what is needed. I’m sorry that I allowed myself to forget to lead like I should have.

So, why am I sharing all of this so publicly?

I have recently realized that facing my failure is a needed part of the growth and healing of my restart journey. Introspection and meditation should lead us to consider where we have made mistakes and failed ourselves, others, and most importantly God. However, it isn’t enough to acknowledge it, we must grow so we don’t make those same mistakes again.

So How can Facing Failure Help us to begin to move forward?

Facing Personal Failure can Help you:

Facing our Failure to God Opens us up to Accept God’s Forgiveness and Grace

God is a God of second chances, as many say. The truth is that God is a God of second, third, and more if we are sincere and letting God try to remold us in to the image He wants us to become. Asking God’s forgiveness for failing opens us up to the power of forgiveness.

John reminds us, “If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us.  If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:8-9).

When the Temple was dedicated in 2 Chronicles God said, “When I shut up the heavens so that there is no rain, or command locusts to devour the land or send a plague among my people, if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land” (2 Chron. 7:13-14).

God’s grace is given to all who would seek Him. He will forgive and allow our healing to begin.

Facing our Failure Allows us to Forgive Ourselves

Many of us can accept God’s forgiveness, we may even be able to accept when others forgive us. However, we often have a hard time forgiving ourselves. This was on my heart as we worshipped to day. I’ve been giving my feelings of failure to God off and on in the past few months. I realized that I wasn’t letting the grace of God in to allow me to forgive myself.

It is hard as a pastor to face that I failed and my failure let God and people down. What’s more my mistakes in how I ministered and lost focus likely hurt others, which is something that hurts me deeply. I’ve never wanted to hurt anyone, but only to help others. The nature of a minister’s heart is helping, encouraging, and teaching. Failing to do this and hurting anyone is a hard pill to swallow. Even harder may be to forgive ones self for this failure.

Why is it so hard to forgive ourselves? Memories can hold us hostage, replaying past mistakes and keeping us from moving forward.

I’m realizing that not forgiving ourselves is to reject the grace of God. God has forgiven us, but living into the grace He gives is like rejecting a gift from a best friend or spouse.

If you’re struggling with this ask God to help, and be sure if you are serious He will help you to forgive yourself.

Facing our Failure Helps us to Rebuild in a New and Stronger Way

A final point on facing our failures should be that we don’t repeat the same mistakes again. It is the repentant heart that grows to walk a new path and not allow themselves to do the same thing again.

In following God’s calling into this new type of ministry for me I am watching choices I make and desire to be God’s vessel. I am learning to trust God and not let worry and concern drive my life and decisions. Have I fully arrived? No, but I am learning and growing everyday to trust God more.

So, what failure do you need to turn over sincerely to God today? Where do you need to learn to forgive yourself? How will you learn, so you don’t go down this path again?

It is my prayer that if you are struggling to forgive yourself and to grow through failures that you may be overcoming that God will bless you with grace and forgiving power. I pray that you will feel God’s presence and healing working in you, and that you will be strengthened to walk in the new path God leads you in.

Blessings on the journey,

Dan Shipton