Avoid the Avoidance Trap

I’ve had the opportunity to work with a variety of people in a variety of leadership and management setting over the years. One of the things that most have in common is avoidance at times.

There are a variety of reasons and settings that people will use avoidance. I’ve seen outright avoidance of restaurant managers hiding in the freeze, more covert actions of ministers working with the lights off in their office, and school administrators taking on tasks of janitors or teachers to stay away from their office.

Some Common Ways Avoidance Shows in the Work Place

• Taking on the tasks belonging to others, instead of focusing on personal requirements or expectations.
  • This may be the manager or leader taking on the job of someone else hired to complete the task. It could be not replacing a position to create a need that only they can fulfill in order to avoid facing looming tasks or growing problems.
• Inventing work or new projects to avoid completing or starting the projects necessary to one’s own job.
  • This may be the leader who doesn’t complete tasks, but often starts new ones. They look busy, but in reality are avoiding necessary task for the organization to succeed.
• Creating needs to avoid the actual needs of responsibility and expectations.
  • People like to worry. If a leader can create a sense of need or utilize a situation and raise it to the place of need or urgency it can create a place of focus and avoid areas that are required of their job.
• Hiding from others to avoid any confrontation or expectation.
  • No one likes confrontation. Most people will do just about anything to avoid confrontation. Some in our world today hide from even speaking to others in any manner, so they can avoid even talking to others for fear of confrontation.
  • They may pay gate-keepers to keep everyone away. Our time is valuable, and there are places for office assistants and gatekeeping. However, if the goal is avoidance we need to reevaluate our position. I remember calling a church once and dialing the pastor’s code, which was easy to figure out and having the lead pastor answer and ask “how did you get through to me.” If we are worried more about someone getting through in leadership, then maybe we should consider why we are leading.
  • Shutting off the lights in the office, like some do in their homes hopping the neighbors won’t knock on the door is simple avoidance by hiding.
• Underperforming at tasks to avoid being asked to repeat performance or take on new responsibility.
  • Not completing or underperforming tasks will keep people from asking someone to help in that area again. Some people purposefully sabotage their performance to avoid having to take on any responsibility.
  • Putting Tasks off or waiting until the last minute.

What is Driving the Avoidance Train

You can likely think of other ways people bring avoidance into the workplace. However, what is really the driving behind most avoidance?

• Fear and Anxiety are probably the number one reason most people jump on the avoidance train.
  • We let our fear of confrontation cause us to avoid having needed conversations.
  • The real problem is that problems only grow. Often the result of such avoidance is derailment and a crash of relationships or the organization.
• Lack of self-confidence
  • Many people struggle to feel like they are qualified or in a position to share their thoughts or ideas with others.
  • This lack of confidence can stem from a variety of things, but the result is the same, avoidance and keeping silent.
• Feeling You or Your opinion isn’t valued
  • Feeling what you contribute to others or the organization is of little value can keep good ideas from ever getting out to the light where they can be utilized.
  • People can feel their opinions don’t matter simply because of insecurity or it could be from previous work experience.
  • The reason doesn’t matter, what matters is that Avoidance keeps opinions silenced.
• Past Experience or Toxic Environment of the Organization
  • No one likes to admit the business or organization they are leading has toxicity. The reality is that if people are disrespected by others in the organization or ignored by leaders it creates an environment where avoidance becomes the day to day practice.
  • Lack of Sincere Openness
    • Many leaders think they have an open door policy. However, if we are never in the office when people come to the door or we are not actually available to talk with others then we do not have an open door policy.
    • Leaders also must be aware of their own listening skills. Leaders tend to have many things going on and even if they mean to be sincere they can come across as too busy or unfocused when someone speaks with them.
• Fear of Failing
  • Face it no one loves to fail. However, many people avoid trying simply because they fear they will not succeed. This may be a growing trend in today’s world where more people were raised without competition in their developing years. While I can agree for some competition can get out of hand, in our developmental stages overcoming failure can help us grow to face the realities of life.
  • Failure can lead to success when we learn from it and grow from it.
• False Hope that Situations will Resolve Themselves.
  • Some people honestly feel like situations will take care of themselves. If it is someone they are hurt or angered by they will not speak up, but hope they can outlast them in the organizations timeline.
  • Situations rarely resolve themselves. Instead they grow until they explode or get out of control.

It may not be easy to step up in every situation. However, as someone told me years ago ‘once you start running it is hard to stop.’ I think we can see that once we start avoiding the needed conversations it can start a cycle we are going to struggle with and may never overcome.

Blessings on the journey,

Dan